Life is better in a hot tub. This is a simple truth. No matter what you are doing, it is more enjoyable in a large container of hot churning water. Whether you are sipping a drink, talking with a friend or doing your taxes. It is better in a hot tub.
The sensation is so divine it borders on a religious experience. Perhaps this is why all the great prophets wore robes and sandals. They were either prepared to slip into the nearest hot tub or were still dripping from the previous one.
Rumor has it that Jesus liked to show off by walking on the swirling water. But, having his feet at chin level didn’t sit well with the others. Neither did Moses’ reenactment of his Red Sea trick, which splashed all the water out leaving his buddies sitting there high and dry. They are the reason “members only” spas were invented.
John the Baptist entered his first hot tub and decided everyone should experience the thrill. Good idea! Unfortunately things changed over the centuries. Modern baptistries are filled with warm water, but without the jets, it just isn’t the same. May as well just have a dab of water placed on your forehead.
Our dusty religious friends only had plain ol’ water. They sipped on wine and munched on wafers. Hot tubs now come equipped with Chromotherapy. This is simply LED lights which turn the water soothing colors while we sip margaritas and feast on Doritos, ranch flavored.
These wonders of hot tubs could put marriage counselors out of business. Before you seek that divorce, just slip into paradise together. Air your grievances as the steam rises around you and pulsating water massages your spouse’s back. The wrecked car, bad cooking and dead guinea pig all become small things not to be sweated. Problems in the bedroom? No need for a little blue pill. Just leave those swimsuits on the bench and let Mother Nature do the rest.
Is there a hot tub at Camp David? If not, there should be. Think of what could be accomplished if world leaders met in water set to 104 degrees. Anger and animosity would melt away as presidents and kings wiggle their toes under the fun waterfall feature. Want peace in our time? Imagine adjustable jets hitting just the right spots. “Ya, we destroy our nuclear weapons, just turn de bubbles up to ‘High’, please.”
Some progressive thinking women have their babies delivered in warm water. This birthing practice is supposed to be less traumatic for the child. Hot tubs would be perfect for this. Just make sure the jets are turned off or the baby could pop out and go shooting around the tub like a ping pong ball in a blender. Wheee! What an entrance.
Hot tubs could also solve our country’s drug problem. Who needs to get high or stoned when there is warm water to envelop you like a mother’s womb? Every major city should put one of the larger models on street corners in troubled areas. These come equipped with built-in speakers which can soothe those soaking with tunes from Barry Manilow. The drug use would drop dramatically overnight. Add some scented oils and poof, you’ve reached Nirvana.
And wouldn’t all businesses benefit from a hot tub on the premises? Need to close a deal? Hop on in with the client. Need to fire an employee? Get them mellowed in the warmth first. Need to disarm the guy who has gone postal? Don’t be a fool! Forget the hot tub. Run like hell!
As most of us already know, the health benefits of a “home spa” are numerous. Moist heat is the perfect remedy for the pain of arthritis and sore muscles. It also lowers blood pressure. Even the small spas are also good for exercising. Doing 20 laps in a hot tub is a healthy and pleasurable way to start your day.
What these wondrous inventions do for the soul is magical. The world becomes a peaceful place full of love and happiness. Stars are more twinkly and the moon is brighter when one is floating in a hot tub. It simply doesn’t get any better.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go do some more research on this subject … right after I find the margarita mix.
