Advertising: That wonderful world where three things rule – sex, sex and (you guessed it) more sex. Once upon a time, advertisers were discreet. But somewhere along the way all rules were ripped off and tossed aside.
Remember back in the dark ages when commercials had the good wife vs. bad wife theme? In various scenarios, a smug blonde looks down her perky nose at the frumpy brunette who is reduced to a pathetic heap of shame after using Brand X.
Her sad family is forced to wear dingy clothes. The members of the name brand family lead happy, exciting lives while wearing blinding whites.
This, my friend, was truth in advertising. What man wouldn’t want to be married to (and share the bed with) the beautiful blonde? And what proper female wouldn’t want to emulate the good wife and keep her hubby happy by using the proper cleaner? Perhaps she should also consider dyeing her hair. (Is it true blonds have more fun?) Ahh, the good ol’ days.
For better or worse, things have changed drastically. We now have ads that would cause Aunt Bea to send Opie from the room. Subtlety went out the window as marketing geniuses put sex front and center. Way better than the bra section of the Sears catalog, we are now served the Hardee’s man-sized burger commercials.
First, they totally ignore any attempt at disguising this as a healthy choice. It is meat, lots of it, with cheese and stuff. This means it is for “real” men, not wimps. It is targeted to those who don’t care about clogged arteries. Perhaps Hardee’s should consider a “may cause heart attack” warning on the wrapper. It might improve sales.
To cause further heart distress, these ads feature a bikini clad babe in a sultry pose on a beach. She must have been there for a loooong time for she is obviously HUNGRY! This beauty sinks her teeth into that hamburger with a passion that makes one want to either join in (sorry vegetarians!) or tell her to get a room. Oowee! She savors that burger. The beach, meat, a scantily clad chick. All that’s missing from this man’s ultimate fantasy is a ball and a goal.
While this isn’t exactly false advertising, a guy expecting to find almost naked models gorging themselves down at the local burger joint is going to be sorely disappointed. In real life, the woman from the beach is most likely dining on carrots and celery at the veggie café.
Whether or not they feast regularly on this large burger diet, guys may want to check with their doctor to see if their “heart is healthy enough for sex.” At least this is what the ads for ED meds tell us. ED is the cute nickname for erectile dysfunction. (It could be a question of blood flow.)
Oh yes, the erectile dysfunction commercials, the new low in advertising. Remember when we thought feminine hygiene ads about “wings” were awkward? They have nothing on the ED ads.
On TV they show us that even rugged men get ED. These are good looking, blue collar guys. They’re mavericks. While a voiceover talks about “getting the job done,” this hunk has his horses pull his truck out of the mud. What a guy! At the end of the scene he’s driving up to a farmhouse with one light on upstairs. This must be where his woman is waiting for him to come home and make her glad he took his ED medication.
The soft spoken female in the radio spots assures men their lady doesn’t complain about their ED, “Because she loves you.” Hello? Maybe she doesn’t complain because she’s had enough sex in her life, thank you very much. Yes, she loves you. But can’t you go build a boat in the basement and leave her alone? After 32 years of telling you what a stud you are, she’d like a rest.
Of course, it is fine, maybe even great, having a healthy sex life till you take your last breath. (Just make sure it’s not the reason.) There is also nothing wrong with letting the sex wane as you age. The hormones aren’t raging, the dopamine is weary.
If you both wish to continue physical intimacy, go for it. Bond on a new level. Be open and creative.
But ladies, if he promises something special to liven things up in the bedroom, be wary. Though you may be expecting rose petals or scented oils, don’t be surprised to find a Hardee’s burger waiting for you on the nightstand.
